Filth Underneath...

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****SPOILER WARNING******
The following blog post could perhaps spoil your preconceived ideas about Celia Jimenez - revealing her true sinful nature and her penchant for selfishness and sin!!!

 I am not one that generally likes to see "what lies beneath". I am perfectly okay with the planters in the driveway staying put...hiding all of the worms and bugs that call that shelter home. I am satisfied with what paint does to a wall covered in grease hand prints, colored marks, and dog licks! And I am absolutely, positively happy to have you keep your bandaid or bandage on...hiding whatever wound there is underneath. My stomach will be gladder for that!!!

But what lies beneath the clothed righteousness of Christ is what I truly struggle with. While I have been purchased through His blood, saved by grace, and dressed in His holiness...I find myself undeniably sinful. Entangled and caught up with my needs, my "rights", my wants, my, my, my....simply put...caught up in myself!

This was never so apparent to me than last week. My poor husband has been sick for quite some time. What started off as a fever and chills quickly turned into a long bout of flu and coughs and aches and pains. My tender, merciful heart was quick to respond to his every need...in the beginning. But with four other lives balancing on my ability to meet their needs...I began to falter in my selflessness.

Up and down the stairs for water, Gatorade, crackers or soup...I found myself losing patience, and I have to admit, there was a bit of grumbling. When a diaper turned into a messy blowout, a toddler threw himself on the floor for no apparent reason, a disobedient child took matters into their own hands...I gave into what I felt like was a deserved bad mood.

I muttered into my head dangerous phrases like, "When I'm sick I NEVER get to lie in bed for a whole day...let alone a whole week." or "There's no way he could do what I do - day in and day out." Justified by the lies that I believed in my head...I allowed these thoughts to fester. Promoting myself and tearing down the one who I pledged my undying love to!

Early the next morning, with Bible in hand, my discipline began. It was a very uncomfortable chastisement...for that very week I had been studying the book of I Corinthians...Chapter 13 to be exact!

 Love is patient, love is kind. 
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 
 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


From first verse, I was in tears. Two words I had set out to be - patient and kind - and along the way my selfishness crept in and choked them out. Bitterness had replaced the joy of serving. I had placed conditions on my love...and those conditions were not being fulfilled. Therefore, I was justified (in my mind) for my behavior.

Our society revolves around two-way love. A love that is given AND received on the basis of merit. Accomplishment always precedes acceptance. But this love...the one that was demonstrated for us through sacrifice and death...is not based on merit or acceptance or conditions. This love is supernatural. It stems from the radical root of grace - planted by an unconditional, loving God.

This love yields all personal rights. It is unselfish, never demands precedence, never demands recognition, never demands applause, does not demand consideration,  does not care whether it is honored, whether it is elevated. This love is deep, never dwells on what life owes it. It is selfless.

Love is living - not for ourselves - but for those whom we love. Placing their needs above our own. Seeing to their interests first - as of higher and greater importance. In practice...I was fulfilling this...taking care of those needs before my own. But in my heart, I became frustrated by the lack of importance placed upon my own needs! I felt sorry for myself in how much I was lacking. An opportunity given for me to serve my family...and I could only see myself.

         Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
 Philippians 2:3-8

Nothing out of selfishness...with humility of mind...having the attitude of Christ...emptied of self...becoming that of a servant...death on a cross. Through the power of the Word and the filling of the Spirit...I began to look afresh on the environment of my home. On my own, I was powerless to see the filth that was lying underneath. But through the Spirit's work of making the gospel real to my heart, the power of my selfishness began to weaken.
Knowing the frailty of man, I fully believe that this will be a struggle for me until the day I go Home. But I pray that the next time selfishness shows it's filthy head...I will be more equipped to battle it sufficiently...without the cost on my family!

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